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Is self love the hardest?

How do we know whether we want to be with someone to overcome our loneliness or if we actually love them? Is it love or are we just filling a void?

Loneliness is a longing for attention, company and comfort from another. It’s feeling incomplete on your own. It’s a deep desire to share your life with others because you feel lost while alone. I believe that one of the easiest things to do nowadays is to fall into anxiety and depression due to not being able to enjoy being single: loneliness.

We live in an extroverted culture that obviously perpetuates the image of happiness through large friend groups and being in relationships. “Loners are losers, weird, sad, depressed. That’s the representation that people give to us for being single for a long time. “Single-Shaming.”

We always choose to be loners, we just lose the desire to “fit in”. Then find out it’s not always fun being alone when people don’t understand you. You can be in a group but if no one gets you, it sucks.

In life, often the people that we love aren’t those that we just can’t live without…. but the ones for whom we can live with even if we didn’t have the rest of the world… if we believe we can live without everyone and everything else…. and just have this one person, then it’s love.

Things i learned from friends who are in and out of relationships and hating their exes:

(1) until we get comfortable with being alone, we’ll never know if we’re choosing someone out of love of loneliness.

(2) The saying that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else is true. How can you show love if you can’t look in the mirror and love most of who you are?

(3) Unhappy with who you are? change it so that when you date people, it will because you want them and not just because you don’t want to be single anymore.

What if you love yourself but still feel lonely? well, maybe you can try to find comfort in being alone and also search for like minded people while you’re single and happy.

Go and love yourself 😄

The Real Me = The Real We

Pretending to trust someone in fear that if you admit your doubts they’ll break up with you makes YOU untrustworthy. YOU aren’t being real about what YOU feel. You are not being honest with yourself.

What other feelings and thoughts have you been hiding within? Who are you really, the truth on the inside or the lies you’re projecting?

Don’t lose yourself by reducing what it means to be your true self just to keep someone around.

You might think that by hiding your concerns and true feelings, you’re making things better. The reality is that you’re only contributing to an ILLUSION of a happy relationship.

Trust Issues

I dated someone for 2 years but i only trusted him UNTIL we made it official. Once we put the title on, expectations suddenly changed.

I expected him to cut off his exes. These girls weren’t trying to be his friend. They work still throw pics at him thrist traps of course. He didn’t handle it like i thought he would. He said “You must trust me. You got trust issues from those little boys you dated in your past.

I was thinking, maybe i do have trust issues. I should be able to trust that my guy has a curve game. I was lying to myself because i KNEW that if i told him i didn’t trust him, it would lead to a break up. He was too lit.

I battled my own insecurities vs my intuition for 2 years! I stayed only because had i convinced myself that i had an issue with trust since i couldn’t confirm anything suspect on his side. “i must be tripping.”

Now what i learned:

1. SOME people change their behavior after they get a title. They think they OWN you.

2. I don’t think we can build relationship trust while single. I think we actually have to get inside of a relationship to build relationship type trust.

3. Intuitive – feeling like something is not adding up on THEIR end.

4. Insecure – feeling like i’m the problem, not them. Like i’m not enough.

5. As soon as I met someone who proved that they can be trusted through their high level of consistency between what they say and what they do, all of the trust issue BULLSHIT flew right out of the window.

6. Trust is situation specific: I could trust him in many situations (which is why I stayed). But I couldn’t trust in many others (ultimately why I left.) I trusted his cooked meals weren’t poisoned. I trusted his driving skills. I brought him around friends and trusted him not to embarrass me. But lawwd knows i didn’t believe shit he said about his exes.

7. I could have told those girls to back off. but those were HIS exes. I was RIGHT not to trust him. But faking it bit me in the ass.

Don’t be like me.

One love 😄💕

The Reminiscent future.

Close the door on your ex. Find your own closure. Not because of pride, pettiness or bitterness but simply because that bond no longer leads you to happiness and growth

The way people treat you after all you have been through together is enough to close the door on them. It’s hard, because we still want them in our lives even though we aren’t going to be together. We try to be “friends” until we stumble upon someone “worth letting go of our ex for”.

However, your ex can still lie to you and manipulate you even in the friend role. This will continue to distort your view on relationships going forward as well as have you sabotaging yourself to align with what your ex has broken inside of you.

Sometimes waiting on your ex to give you closure is an excuse to keep them in your life because you still want to KNOW why you aren’t enough for them”

You will not be able to trust others because your ex is still playing mind games. You will not want to date others because your ex gets in the way and make you think they are ready to change. You will hurt others because you are hurt. you will think that the next person has to approach YOU and needs to be perfect because your ex was so far from it.

Your whole mentality needs to heal. anything that others do, that SEEMS like something your ex did, would automatically make you want to stop dating anyone. Don’t let you ex continue to fuck up your dating life.

But do not be afraid to close the door while having some questions unanswered. Can you accept that you won’t always get answers to some questions? Can you accept that they hurt you is all closure you need?

Closing the door doesn’t mean you don’t care about them anymore because even with locked doors, you still know who’s on the other side, knocking. it’s your ex. They had their chance already.

Protect your healing. It’s your door,you close it. You don’t need to understand why they hurt you. Understand why you are hurting yourself by trying to maintain their presence in your life.

Now, Protect your healing, close doors to bullshit fr.

One love 🙂

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